Friday, September 20, 2013

There should be more "Drama Free" zones!

Have you ever used the online Urban Dictionary?  I just looked up the word Drama and it had this to say:

"A way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events."

"Typically "drama" is used by people who are chronically bored or those who seek attention."

"People who engage in "drama" will usually attempt to drag other people into their dramatic state, as a way of gaining attention or making their own lives more exciting."

You are no doubt asking yourself what in the world does all this have to do with Quilting?  

Quilters are sharing kind of people. 

We spend hours and hours working our magic with fabric and thread only to give our creations to people who may or may not realize that you just worked weeks on something that they might casually call a blanket.  We are OK with that as most of these gifts are made with love and given freely.

We make quilts for charity.  We donate quited items to auctions and fund raisers.  We donate fabric to be used in charity quilts and if you belong to a guild you most likely have engaged in many kinds of charity projects and events.

We help other quilters by sharing our knowledge and experience - especially beginners.

In short, we put ourselves out there.

We share our work in progress, our successes and our failures - even when we are the only one who might think so.  We do that in a variety of places. Local quilt guilds. Lots of forums and groups on the internet.  Plenty of places to engage with other quilters and by far the most popular is facebook.

Groups on facebook are just so much fun and there is a virtual quilt show every day.   And these groups are for the most part, moderated by just the kind of people I have described above.  They pay attention to content, they watch out for spammers, they often provide a place for swaps and the sharing of our stuff to take place, they host group projects and they spend countless hours of their time doing so.  Many do not have a profit driven motive (although some do) and mostly just donate hours and hours of time for the good of the group.

But every once in a while you come across someone who has not embraced this mindset.  At first you don't really pay much attention.  Then the little voice in the back of your head starts whispering.  Then you see the same kind of comments again and again. The negativity that slides in.  The questioning of the rules.  Then the voice gets louder.  Then others get dragged into the drama.  And then when the moderator has had enough they get booted out of the group.  Sometimes it ends there and other times it does not.

And that brings me back to the Urban Dictionary:  

"People who engage in "drama" will usually attempt to drag other people into their dramatic state, as a way of gaining attention or making their own lives more exciting."


I am lucky enough to be good friends with the quilter who started such a group on facebook.  It's my favorite group and I have made many wonderful friends there. It is a wonderful group because my friend works hard to make it a drama free zone and does not put up with anything that creates controversy.  Recently when she came under fire, a group project that I put together got dragged into the drama-zone.  I was not part of the mix but was called out in the exchange of words. My friend pulled the plug and voted the person off the island.  We applauded!

But it didn't end there.  The person in question had to send the group moderator a hate filled message full of mean ugly words and even called her stupid.  She made my friend feel bad which caused her to take a break from fb to try and banish the evil that person was spewing from her mind.  I hurt for her.

This has been eating at me ever since it happened.  I can't get over the fact that my friend, who is one of the most delightful, caring people I know would be treated this way by another quilter.   I have seen this before.  I have experienced it myself due to some of my non-quilting posts on my personal facebook wall, but this one really got me thinking.

Why do so many people think it is OK to say something disrespectful to another person while hiding behind a keyboard.  About a hobby!!!  Why does meanness have to enter into it?  Why do some feel it is OK to engage in this kind of behavior over something as insignificant as QUILTING! 


Getting wound up over family - I get that.  Kids - I get that too.  Politics - boy do I get that.  But quilting is something good, no one gets hurt by it (well maybe our wallets) and many are helped by it - on many levels.  So why does it seem OK to so many to engage in behavior that is disrespectful and downright mean?

I don't have the answer. But I am going to do a better job of ignoring the drama seekers out there in the quilt world and not get sucked in.  It's hard.  But let's not let the drama seekers win! Let's not react when they toss a drama bomb into our world.  Let's try and not let our emotions get carried away and cause us to do or say something we normally wouldn't (note to self on that one!) and let's all be kinder to one another! ♥

Won't you join me in supporting and creating more drama-free zones out there? 

As my best friend says "It's quilting people!" 

Quilty hugs,




  1. So many times I have said how blessed I am to call you my friend. A true friend always has your back. A true friend feels your pain when you hurt. A true friend stands beside you, through thick or thin. A true friend loves you in spite of your faults. You, my dear, are a true friend, and I am blessed to know you! Thank you for taking the time to write this article stating all of the things that needed to be said. You are so right - It's ONLY quilting, and I fully support your call to have it be a DRAMA FREE ZONE. Love always!

    1. Right back at you my friend and more! I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I'm sorry for my part in it...I'm going to keep the above graphic handy and next time I see it unfolding and find myself wanting to comment I am just going to insert the graphic.....ROFL! ♥ ♥ ♥ xoxo

  2. It's quilting!!!! and I love it!!! and I love JUQ!!!

  3. I agree 100%!! To me some people need to put others down to feel bigger themselves...sad but true.
    One of my college teachers used to say (considering child education): planful ignoring will eliminate unappropriate behaviour faster than any words.
    Maybe that's also true for childish, evil adults!!

    Take care and keep on having fun with quilting ;0)!!

  4. Well said Linda, I totally agree. Attention seeking people with dramatic posts, take the FUN out of the Groups and what the original intent was for setting them up in the first place. Monitoring a group on FB is almost a full time job! Keep up the good work ladies.

  5. Very well put, Linda. I love being a part of JUQ and I'm glad I missed all the unpleasantness...sometimes being offline helps :)

  6. bringing it up here, just adds to the drama, rather than subtracts.